Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Help meeeeeeeee!!!
It's the last week of school,and I am sooo stressed! Any tips on how to chill the hell out?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
It's time to be open
I went away this weekend, and I was amazed at how refreshed and happy I felt again. I forgot what it felt like to be the true Andriana. For the past few months I have been living with constant fear, sadness, anger, and anxiety. My body reacts so strongly to what my mind believes, that it refuses to eat and relax for days on end. I'm frightened because I don't know how to calm my own self down. No matter how many deep breaths I take, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot talk myself out of attacks. My heart is always racing as if im in fight or flights mode, and my stomach is perpetually upset. Sometimes I wonder if it's just a chemical imbalance, or if it's the will to carry on gradually leaving my system. I see no point to me. I feel no worth to anyone, but everybody to me is worth everything.
Now that I am back in my living environment, I am stressed again. Pacifica was a nice escape for me, I felt like I could breate again. But I realized upon my return, my happiness is only short lived,and I am back in my own hell. My life cannot depend on vacations, and leaving reality to find happiness. I would be lying if I said I had never had thoughs of death, or killing myself. But I will probably never do such a thing for I have a great fear of the unknown, and I know I have an obligation to those around me.
I like to live for other people, not for myself. I don't know how to love myself before others. I'm ready to go now, I really am.
Now that I am back in my living environment, I am stressed again. Pacifica was a nice escape for me, I felt like I could breate again. But I realized upon my return, my happiness is only short lived,and I am back in my own hell. My life cannot depend on vacations, and leaving reality to find happiness. I would be lying if I said I had never had thoughs of death, or killing myself. But I will probably never do such a thing for I have a great fear of the unknown, and I know I have an obligation to those around me.
I like to live for other people, not for myself. I don't know how to love myself before others. I'm ready to go now, I really am.
Monday, April 27, 2009
so two Jews and a Greek get an apartment...
a bad joke? NO! ahhhh I'm moving in to my first real house with two friends this summer! im excited! We have a pool and everything! yeaaa! hella psyched!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
We are all victims!
I once heard a folktale it goes like this:
One day all of the emotions were gathered together outside, one decided it would be fun to play hide and go seek. They all scattered and found places to hide. Anger hid under a rock, Happiness hid high in a tree...love however was lost, she had no idea where to go. Stupidity saw her and decited to help her, as he walked over to her he tripped on a rock and accidentally pushed Love into a rose bush and her eyes were blinded by the thorns. As she cried out in pain, stupidity felt terrible and said, "don't worry, I'll stay with you. I will guide you anywhere you want to go." This is why love is blind, and followed by stupidity.
I HOWEVER think that love is Blind, Deaf, Mute...AND followed by Stupidity.
One day all of the emotions were gathered together outside, one decided it would be fun to play hide and go seek. They all scattered and found places to hide. Anger hid under a rock, Happiness hid high in a tree...love however was lost, she had no idea where to go. Stupidity saw her and decited to help her, as he walked over to her he tripped on a rock and accidentally pushed Love into a rose bush and her eyes were blinded by the thorns. As she cried out in pain, stupidity felt terrible and said, "don't worry, I'll stay with you. I will guide you anywhere you want to go." This is why love is blind, and followed by stupidity.
I HOWEVER think that love is Blind, Deaf, Mute...AND followed by Stupidity.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Cell Phones Spoil Everything!
hahaha gotta love it if all movies and stories were actually this boring!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
It's time for a metaphor!!!
I AM THE HORSE. And the jump is life's obsticles being handed to me.
(please note, this is not me or my horse.)
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Le Destin
Someone said to me that the destiny makes great fun of us, That it does not give us anything, and that it promises us all that happiness appears to be at hand's reach.
On me dit que l'destin se moque bien de nous, Qu'il ne nous donne rien et qu'il nous promet tout, paraît que le bonheur est à portée de main.
On me dit que l'destin se moque bien de nous, Qu'il ne nous donne rien et qu'il nous promet tout, paraît que le bonheur est à portée de main.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Hmmm
Last night I laid down with some lovely company to watch the film, "Vicky Christina Barcelona" (about two American girls and their summer in Spain) How ironic, I am an American and my company was from Spain, thus, whats not to enjoy?
As I was watching the film, I became suprised and almost scared about how much of myself I saw in Scarlett Johansson's character, Christina. Setting aside her curiosity of the world,and a craving for diversity and a new atmosphere there were several lines said both by and about her throughout the film that might as well have been taken straight from my own mind.
for example:
Christina's view on Love: "She expected something very different out of love. She had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion, and was resigned to putting her feelings at risk. If you asked her what it was she was gambling her emotions on to win, she would have not been able to say. She knew what she didn't want however, and that was was exactly what Vicky valued above all else."
I see so much suffering in love and passion, perhaps more than the average person would like to know or hear about. I always think and accept going into a new relationship that I will probably be hurt in the end, not every ending is that out of a fairy tale. I hate being uncertain about the future and about people's thoughts and feelings. Thus, I have realized that Love is endless suffering, without it people are sad, envious, and long for it deeply. With love, people are passionate and happy, however there is always a great feeling of jealousy and fear hiding in a deep dark corner of my heart that is always there to remind me that I am putting my emotions at risk when I love another. There is pain with love, and there is pain without it. But as my dear Spaniard said himself, "A wife should never speak of death." all in all it means, enjoy what you have now and don't worry about the negative aspects of the future, because it can poison all you have in this one moment in a short life.
Christina's view on her "artistic side": "No I just have to come face to face with the fact that I am not gifted, you know? I can appreciate art, and I love music. It's sad really because I feel like I have alot to express and I am not gifted."
Me too, and because of this I feel useless...perhaps I have simply not found inspiration yet. I just have to keep looking I guess.
Other similarities that I saw in the two of us is that as much love as she was receiving, throughout the film she always seemed slightly confused and depressed. That's simple, anyone can relate to that. However, it seemed that her
"foreignness" to the culture forced her to finish last in her relationship. I just saw myself in Greece two summers ago, trying to fit in trying to explore and enjoy myself. But no matter what, becaue I was only half Greek and American, I was never "good enough" for any of them and in the end i finished last too. It's a difficult subject to explain, and I'm shocked that a Woody Allen film could provoke so much emotion that I thought I had hidden away long ago. It made me cry. I don't know if I can ever watch this film again. That's all I can say about this for now.
As I was watching the film, I became suprised and almost scared about how much of myself I saw in Scarlett Johansson's character, Christina. Setting aside her curiosity of the world,and a craving for diversity and a new atmosphere there were several lines said both by and about her throughout the film that might as well have been taken straight from my own mind.
for example:
Christina's view on Love: "She expected something very different out of love. She had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion, and was resigned to putting her feelings at risk. If you asked her what it was she was gambling her emotions on to win, she would have not been able to say. She knew what she didn't want however, and that was was exactly what Vicky valued above all else."
I see so much suffering in love and passion, perhaps more than the average person would like to know or hear about. I always think and accept going into a new relationship that I will probably be hurt in the end, not every ending is that out of a fairy tale. I hate being uncertain about the future and about people's thoughts and feelings. Thus, I have realized that Love is endless suffering, without it people are sad, envious, and long for it deeply. With love, people are passionate and happy, however there is always a great feeling of jealousy and fear hiding in a deep dark corner of my heart that is always there to remind me that I am putting my emotions at risk when I love another. There is pain with love, and there is pain without it. But as my dear Spaniard said himself, "A wife should never speak of death." all in all it means, enjoy what you have now and don't worry about the negative aspects of the future, because it can poison all you have in this one moment in a short life.
Christina's view on her "artistic side": "No I just have to come face to face with the fact that I am not gifted, you know? I can appreciate art, and I love music. It's sad really because I feel like I have alot to express and I am not gifted."
Me too, and because of this I feel useless...perhaps I have simply not found inspiration yet. I just have to keep looking I guess.
Other similarities that I saw in the two of us is that as much love as she was receiving, throughout the film she always seemed slightly confused and depressed. That's simple, anyone can relate to that. However, it seemed that her
"foreignness" to the culture forced her to finish last in her relationship. I just saw myself in Greece two summers ago, trying to fit in trying to explore and enjoy myself. But no matter what, becaue I was only half Greek and American, I was never "good enough" for any of them and in the end i finished last too. It's a difficult subject to explain, and I'm shocked that a Woody Allen film could provoke so much emotion that I thought I had hidden away long ago. It made me cry. I don't know if I can ever watch this film again. That's all I can say about this for now.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Twitter?
So there is this stupid new website up called Twitter...its like facebook but you only post status updates.(quite frankly, I think it's retarded...but that's just me) I guess it's fairly popular, especially to adults of high status. I saw a news clip today saying how the United States SENATE is addicted to twitter, and they post status updates CONSTANTLY from their cellphones...even while President Obama is speaking. Impolite? I don't know, but I guess professors can't get irritated anymore if students text in class...since the United Fricken States own Senate practically does the same thing! Welcome to the 21st century!!
I have been made into a comic character!
REGARDE!!! haha oh I love it. It looks just like me!!!
Illustrations by: Jeff Schroeder at www.izzumzlife.blogspot.com.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Epic
I'm sitting here next to my best friends, Mycah, Andrew, Grace, and Jeff. We all had an epic dorm sleepover party on a stormy night. (that sounds like a setting to a really bad porno or a slasher film...but no nonsense like that.) I just love being surrounded by great friends, and people who I love. It creates a peaceful atmosphere.
Jeff is playing the guitar. Quite a soothing sound it makes when he plays.
Mycah and I are watching the Academy Awards Red Carpet, and Andrew is napping (because we each went to bed around 4 in the morning)
This morning Andrew was also a gentleman and made all of us crepes for breakfast!
Mycah wants me to talk about her more, so I'm going to say this ..."MYCAH JAY ANAST! YOU TASTE LIKE SUNSHINE DUST!!"...wait, what? I think if I ever have a son, I shall name him Jay, after you and your dad cus I love you guys. It's kind of awkward how you are sitting right next to me while I'm writing this. Oh well.
There is no point to this post, I'm just enjoying reflecting on what a pleasant weekend I have been having. Last night we all went mini golfing and sucked bigtime at it, but it was still fantastical. ANYWAY I hope Slumdog Millionaire wins best picture!
and i want to go on a date wtih the cute guy from the Disaronno commerical, they keep airing this commerical during the academy awards broadcast.
His voice is like Latin velvet!!
Jeff is playing the guitar. Quite a soothing sound it makes when he plays.
Mycah and I are watching the Academy Awards Red Carpet, and Andrew is napping (because we each went to bed around 4 in the morning)
This morning Andrew was also a gentleman and made all of us crepes for breakfast!
Mycah wants me to talk about her more, so I'm going to say this ..."MYCAH JAY ANAST! YOU TASTE LIKE SUNSHINE DUST!!"...wait, what? I think if I ever have a son, I shall name him Jay, after you and your dad cus I love you guys. It's kind of awkward how you are sitting right next to me while I'm writing this. Oh well.
There is no point to this post, I'm just enjoying reflecting on what a pleasant weekend I have been having. Last night we all went mini golfing and sucked bigtime at it, but it was still fantastical. ANYWAY I hope Slumdog Millionaire wins best picture!
and i want to go on a date wtih the cute guy from the Disaronno commerical, they keep airing this commerical during the academy awards broadcast.
His voice is like Latin velvet!!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
For the Best Aussie-Yank I know
You and I must have been 8 or 9 in this photo. And Natasha there must have been around 3! So long ago! Can you believe it? haha you and I have been friends longer than some people these days can stay married! good for us! I WUV YOU FOIST!!!
Can't wait for our next big trip together...
p.s. you are going to be in my wedding.
jerkoffs like this guy are the reason the US immigration process should be more difficult...
I know right?
Not only has this loser made headlines, but he has upset nearly the whole country and for obvious reasons. I'm so sick of the foreign snobs who think they are so intelligent, and so above everyone else (and they just seem to LOVE to prey on the average American.) What's sad is people like this have made a choice to live here...yet they seem to insult EVERY aspect of a lifestyle that is different from their own. As a Bay Area girl, I'm embarassed to live within 50 miles of this guy. I think the way he spoke to this woman was awful. Regardless of his feelings towards her, she is somebody's mother, and wife and it breaks my heart to see a mother being degraded on national television. If somebody EVER spoke to my mother this way, I would probably be sitting in a prison cell somewhere for murder. Just beacause everyone in this country has not received a degree from Oxford or Harvard or whatever doesn't mean they should be treated like dirt.
Hey Stephen...it may be true that the general American population just might not have a vocabulary quite as extensive as you do, but at least we don't all walk around with sticks up our asses.
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